As the holidays are arriving, it is usually a time filled with memories! Looking back through the years. Seeing where you were, to where you are. Who you have loved. Who you have disliked. How you spent your time. Resolutions that were set, both followed and forgotten. And, the one that can be comforting, while at the same time heartbreaking, the one's we have lost.
We may not always understand the why behind people leaving our lives. They may leave our lives, because our lives are on different tracks, and the time arrives for us to split our ways. They may leave us because it is their time to leave this earth. Either way, you can find comfort in knowing the positives around the situation, while you may also find the heartbreak that came from having to say goodbye.
It is when we focus on the heartbreak, and only the heartbreak, that we find ourselves to break down. Focusing on how much we miss them, how much we wish they could be with us today, leads to unhealthy amounts of negativity filling our space. While it is important to allow the heartbreak to be felt, it is damaging to focus only on this. We need to also focus on the positives around the situations.
In the beginning, the heartbreak is too great, too overwhelming. It takes time to process, and get to a place where we can find the positives that are available following the happenings. When it is a case of them leaving our live due to a split in the tracks, some of the things you could be grateful for include the lessons you have learned. The lessons learned through your time together. The lessons learned through the separation of paths between you and them.
When they have left this earth, one of the positives that I believe in, is that they are in a better place. Another positive that I whole-heartedly lean into, is the fact that they are still with us. They are not with us in the way that they once were, yet they can still be felt giving us direction, and guidance, for our choices in our lives.
Leaning into knowing that they are not really gone, brings comfort. Leaning into this comfort, rather then leaning into the feelings of missing them, and wishing they were still here with us, is able to bring a sense of joy. A sense of love. This love has the ability to cover all of the negativity around saying goodbye. It brings with it the ability to overcome the sadness. Overcoming the depression that can set in.
Holidays have been known to be a more difficult time of the year for those who are struggling with mental illnesses. Why? Because they, more often than not, feel alone at this time. The time when families are gathering together. The time when people should be spreading love and joy. Rather, they are stuck in the wishing.
Wishing their life could be different. Wishing the people in their life could be different. Wishing they were able to express what they were truly feeling deep within, rather than feeling like they need to hold it all in so that they don't upset anyone around them.
For me, Christmas is a time of magic, mystery, and love. None of these describe the idea that Christmas is a time for everyone to lie about how they are doing. To find true joy, to find true love, you need to find honesty. Honesty with yourself. Honesty with others. Being able to share your feelings honestly. Whether this is around losing a loved one from your life, or from feeling as though you have lost a loved one from your life. Honesty is key.
I am encouraging everyone to go out and find their person they feel safe to be themselves around. The person you feel comfortable being honest with. And do just that. Be honest. When asked "How are you doing?", answer honestly. Find the peace that can show up when you are open to looking at the positive possibilities.
After losing some who were extremely special to me, I have had to do this work myself. I have had to work through the sadness, through the hopelessness, through the anger, through the wishing. I have had to work into the positives. I have had to find peace with the losses. I have had to remind myself to be grateful for all of the lessons I have learned through each and every person. I have had to learn how to find comfort, rather than just the sadness.
If you are wanting to learn how I have done this myself, reach out. If you are finding yourself having a difficult time at this holiday season, reach out. We can work through this together. No one should feel alone, or worse, for the holidays. I am here. I am willing to listen. I am willing to be a friend. And, I will not pass any judgements. Feel free to be one-hundred percent you. And reach out. We can do this.